“God, I want to be her.”

She has the natural slim, but curvaceous figure. The gorgeous boyfriend, the successful blog, natural fitness, the military career. Everything.

The tightness in my throat is almost overwhelming. Self loathing creeps in from my stomach into my mouth and I can practically taste the hatred.

That bitch. How dare she be better than me.

I take a closer look at my rivals life,.. and realise that I’ve already accomplished over half of what she still wishes she had done. I realise that her life isn’t quite as rosy as it could be. Probably not as rosy as mine. The things that have come easy to me have been one heck of a struggle for her. I start to appreciate what I have.

Her perfect boyfriend actually seems like a bit of a jerk, and she has a string of failed relationships in the past (not that there is anything wrong with that), her blog isn’t actually that good (in my humble opinion) and the military career is pretty much a fallacy. The only thing she has that I really want is the natural fitness.

But then I realise, I love my figure. I love the fact that I have a defined waist, curves and muscle tone. I have had to work hard for everything I have. If I had given up certain things in my past (such as travel, or buying property when I was young) then maybe I would be further ahead in my career.

Instead of being bitter I choose to recognize my jealousy, make it mine and work with it.

When I look deeper I notice that this girl and I have a lot in common. Almost too much. Obviously the military connection, but even smaller nuances. We’re studying the same language (Arabic) and both do the same sports (MMA). We’re not so different after all. In fact, I’d probably want to be friends with this girl… If only I wasn’t so envious

Envy often rears its ugly head in situations like these. You see a girl who is actually quite like you. She fits your niche in the world, and you think that she does a better version of you… than you do.

So what are you going to do about it?

Overcoming Jealousy

Jealousy is insecurity personified. Jealousy is a curse (and one of the seven deadly sins), but you can overcome your jealousy and use it to your advantage by noticing what you are jealous of in others and examining what it is in yourself that you feel is lacking.

Many a self-help guru has said that you should not compare yourself to others. On the contrary, you can learn so much about yourself and your desires by how you make comparisons with others.

The trick is to not take it to extremes. There will always be someone smarter, faster, richer, more beautiful or more charming. There will also always be someone slower, uglier and less interesting than you are. Take stock of your personal attributes, notice why you are jealous of your rivals and work on your weaknesses until you no longer feel jealous.

Discover exactly what it is that you are jealous about.

Take notice of when you feel jealous or envious in others. Is it when you notice a girl who is fitter or slimmer than you? Maybe someone who is wearing nice jewelry or driving a top of the range SUV?

Ask yourself what it is you see in that person that makes you envious. Be 100% clear in your mind about what it is that they have that you want.

Do you really want what she has?

Often we see people who have lots of money or status and think “I want what she has.” But do you really? Are you prepared to sacrifice the life you have to have what another has?

Its not always black and white. The person you are jealous of may be envious of your success.

In order to be wealthy, one has to work hard. That pop star? The one with the killer abs and awesome lungs? Guess what? She worked hard and made sacrifices to achieve that (yes, even Britney).

That skinny girl may be jealous of your natural curves. The girl with the gorgeous boyfriend may be wishing she had a wealthier boyfriend. The girl who travels? Well, she probably wishes she had your amazing group of friends.

The grass is not always greener on the other side.

The one with the SUV? She’s probably in debt up to her eyeballs. Is that what you really want?

If the answer is still “yes”, it’s time to make some positive changes.

Know Yourself

Write down your best attributes. What are your strengths? What is your best body part?

Are you a great public speaker? A fluid dancer? A computer whiz?

What can you do that no one else can do?

Own your strengths and be yourself, there is no one better qualified. Be thankful for your strengths. Be grateful that you are who you are, with all your unique talents and abilities.

Make the decision to work your strengths, and build up your weaknesses. So you’re a terrible runner, but have a mean freestyle. Work on your running, and in the meantime continue with your swimming.

Write a love letter to yourself. Do it! Write down everything you love about yourself, and everything you are grateful to have in your life. Keep your letter somewhere safe and private, and read through your letter out aloud to yourself any time you are feeling insecure.

Tell me what you want.. what ya really really want

Get absolutely clear about what it is that you are jealous of. Write it down, and turn it into a goal, or series of goals.

What are you willing to do to achieve these goals?

Or are you willing to let your jealousy go, because achieving those goals would mean giving up something that means so much more to you? How can you achieve your goals without giving anything up? Where there is a will there is a way.

Make positive changes

Life is never too short to change. Can’t teach an old dog new tricks? Rubbish. If you feel that you have missed out on something in your past, present or future, then start taking steps to make it happen. When you get out there you will realise that you are not the oldest person in the pack. And if you are? Who cares? Would you rather worry about your age or regret never doing that one thing?

You might not need or want a total life overhaul. If you are jealous (like I admit I am…) of people who have artistic talent, find a creative outlet. Maybe you will find that what you are envious of isn’t that great after all.

Discover what you enjoy doing and do it. Find the time to make room for the things you love and do them for your own enjoyment.

Related Links.

How to Overcome Jealousy The Positivity Blog

9 Ways to Overcome Jealousy Think Simple Now

Overcoming Jealousy – All about life challenges

Dealing With Jealousy– David Bonham Carter